I am feeling more and more disgusted and saddened by the level of hatred, vitriol, personal attacks and general unpleasantness that currently characterizes conversation in our culture. It is as though Civility (yes, I capitalized it!) has been banished to some deep, intractable wormhole.

Or maybe Civility got sucker punched one time too many and decided to abandon the madness in favor of an indefinite sabbatical on some uncharted, uninhabited fjord.

In Civility’s absence, it appears that Ugly speech reigns supreme. It especially seems that since President Obama’s residency in the Oval Office began, the lid on Ugly has not only been blown off – it’s been obliterated. Hateful, racist, xenophobic and misogynistic rants have become the norm.

If you read the comments on social media or nearly any website, you’d think that very few of us like anybody, and if you give us a minute, we could list and mock every single last one of everyone else’s faults and flaws from as far back as the womb through to the very present moment.

But it isn’t just the hateful, the racist, the xenophobic, and the misogynistic rants that have me ranting.

From the playground to the office to the home, bullying in the form of verbal abuse is a pandemic. Some kids commit suicide after being victimized by it. Adults cower from it by taking refuge in the bottle, the pipe, the fridge, or in the retail outlets. People take verbal aim at celebrities, and even children aren’t immune from adults’ verbal taunts and insults. Remember Elizabeth Lauten, communications director for Rep. Stephen Fincher (R-Tenn.)? She wrote this to the Obama girls on Facebook: “Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.” She also wrote they should show “a little class.” ¹

In the heat of a moment or height of anger, many people completely drop whatever filters they have and spew whatever they’re thinking or feeling. Some people will voice what they’re feeling to someone close, even if it’s hurtful, all in the name of ‘keeping it real’.

Still worse, it seems as though this behavior is now the norm and acceptable. Even fashionable and hip.

How and why did we get here?

Why do we demonize each other? Diminish each other? Dehumanize each other? When did it become acceptable to verbally clock  somebody because you don’t like them or the way they look/walk/talk/ dress/speak/think/worship/believe/behave?

Aren’t we all made from, as Crosby, Stills, and Nash wrote in their song Woodstock “billion year-old carbon”? “Dust in the Wind” as the group Kansas sang? No matter your zip or post code, we’re all on the same planet, right? Doesn’t the sun rise and set on ALL of us? Doesn’t the moon do the same?

And what happened to the Golden Rule?

Every major religion has its version of it.

The Baha’i Faith says: “Ascribe not to any soul that which thou wouldst not have ascribed to thee, and say not that which thou doest not.”

Buddhism says: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” Udana-Varga 5:18

Confucianism: “What I do not wish men to do to me, I also wish not to do to men.” Analects 15:23

Judaism: “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary.” Talmud, Shabbat 31a.

Islam: “None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” Number 13 of Imam “Al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadiths.”

Christianity: And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.” Luke 6:31, King James Version. ²

Are we now better than the Creator of The Golden Rule?

I believe that words are the second most powerful tool of creation (Thought is the first). If you verbally attack someone, you can apologize until the sky cracks and falls, but words spoken can never be taken back. You may be truly sorry afterwards and claim to have never meant what you said, but once said, you can’t un-mean your words.

In other words, words materialize into a sort of karmic historical record. They never go away. They float around in the ether, materializing and growing until we magnetize them back into our lives. And when they return, we get to experience what we have created, and those creations manifest as love, fear, joy, and pain.

By abusing this powerful gift, we are creating a karmically toxic environment in which we are all negatively affected.

So let’s cut the crap. Let’s step up. Let’s bury Ugly and welcome Civility back into the fold. It’s time for us to honor the best of ourselves by honoring the greatest commandment – the commandment to Love.

Some say Love doesn’t work. I say if we believe in and practice love as much as we believe in and practice love’s opposite, it will absolutely work.

So, let’s agree. Let’s disagree. Let’s agree to disagree. Let us passionately share our ideas, thoughts, opinions and feelings without descending into condescending, juvenile, and destructive speech.

And,  let’s LISTEN at least as much as we speak. Not just with our ears, but with our entire selves.

I’m not for a moment suggesting that this is an easy thing to do. I am suggesting that this is an essential thing to do.

In the end, it’s really about respect, which we all want. And we have to give it in order to get it.

When I was growing up, I was always admonished to say nothing about a person if I couldn’t think of anything nice to say about them.

I am committed to modeling that behavior. Why? Because I believe our survival depends on it. Because it’s the right thing to do. Because I choose to honor my Creator by doing so. Because I believe in the transformative power of Love. Because it’s who I am.

Who are you?

 

1) http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/obama-girls-targeted-criticism-again-conservatives

2) http://www.religioustolerance.org/reciproc.htm