“Your opinion of me is none of my business.”  Judy Ford.

Last week I was with a friend who proceeded to tell me that I do too much. I responded with “What?”

They proceeded to list all the things I do or am involved with.

Teaching jobs. New singing job. Singing in three different bands. Head of the music ministry at your church. New blog. New project. Networking. Looking for a full-time job.

As I’m listening to my friend recount the details of my comings and goings better than Siri, my body and brain are gearing up for the mother of all battles (a la Bruce Lee and his nemesis Han in Enter the Dragon). My friend continued.

“You do too much. And when you do finally go to bed, you just fall into it, like you’re a log. To me, it’s too much.”

As I’m looking at my friend, I’m feeling my blood rising to a rolling boil. I’m thinking, “What the f**k?! Who says this?  Why does my schedule matter to you? Why does it seem like you’re paying more attention to my life than to your own? What gives you the right to offer your unsolicited opinion?  Did I ask you for it? Who do you think you are? What are you insinuating? That I’m not handling my business the way you think I should?  And if I’m doing such a bad job, then why aren’t you helping me, you sorry-ass bench warmer? You forgotten what I’ve been through lately? You’ve forgotten what I’m trying to do? You don’t understand what I’m dealing with and what’s required of me now? What? You livin’ in my head now? And since when did you become the authority on my life? Isn’t this my life? This is my life, dammit! Shut the hell up!

Instead of screaming out each and every thought I’d been thinking, I closed my eyes and silently called out ALL the names of the Divine and the prophets I could think of…Jesus, Buddha, Lord Krishna, Jah, Baha’u’llah, Jehovah, Mother Mary, God Almighty…

Once I caught myself and was calm enough to speak and not give myself something to apologize for later, I said,

“What?!”

Their response? “I just worry about you…you do too much.”

“As compared to who?”

Stammers. Followed by an attitude-filled silence as hard as a month-old croissant,  and as vast as the distance between me and that mega million dollar winning lottery ticket I keep dreaming about.

When the conversation finally resumed, it turns out that my friend was feeling left out. Of course, I reminded them of conversations I’d had on New Year’s Day, when I shared with nearly everyone I spoke to that until Spring, my focus was going be on work and generating more income, and that I’d come up for air afterwards.

Silence.

My friend had listed my every commitment perfectly. And I guess to many people it seems like I do a lot. And yes, I could sleep more. And exercise more. And play more. But I’m also in the process of rebuilding my life.

If you read my inaugural blog post, you know that I’ve accomplished just about everything I’ve ever wanted to do. But the one dream of becoming a full-time, tenured college professor has not manifested. And after seven years in academia as an itinerant, full-time temporary, adjunct, contractual faculty member, I’ve decided that it’s time to release that dream. It’s too hard on my psyche…and on my credit rating. So once again, I’m rebuilding. I’m reinventing myself and my life. (It never stops.)

Which means that I am spending more time on the work side of my life. I’m on the proverbial tightrope, working to balance current work obligations, generating future income, a new job search (which is a full-time job), doing all the things that working artists do, maintaining a household and car, and just finding time to sit and breathe! And, I’m single, which means that while I do summon the cavalry on occasion (for my car), everything falls on me.

Truth is I’ve always been ‘busy’. I’ve never been bored. I can always find something to do. And I like the variety of my everyday life. I never wanted an ordinary life. I never really wanted a 9-5. I knew I’d have to work the rest of my natural life, but I promised myself when I was seven-years-old that I’d strive to only do work that I loved. And that is a promise that for the most part, I’ve kept.

So yes, I’m busy…super busy. And I like it. And as long as I make time for self care, spiritual nourishment, and stay connected to friends and family as best I can, then the rest of what I do is nobody’s business.

I thanked my friend for the concern, and then went into my office and happily worked. Until 2:30 am.

I am unapologetically me. I like the Me I’ve been, and the Me I’m becoming. And I’m content to deal with my choices and consequences. Like Cam Newton.

So, for those of you who live to give other people unsolicited advice…Stop. To borrow the words from a sermon written by my former minister, the lovely Reverend Muriel Crawford, “Shut Up.” Even if you think someone is making an egregious mistake, if no harm is being done, say nothing.

And for those of you who have trouble divorcing yourselves from others’ opinions, of you, think of it this way. If you can’t claim them as a deduction on your tax return, why are you spending your time giving them an audience?

I’m reminded of what my grandmother, Mayme Gillespie once said. “Baby, minding Mayme’s business is a full-time job. I suggest you make minding Deletta’s yours.”