Peace and blessings my lovelies!
For this installment, I reached back into the vault and retrieved this jewel. I’ve also included the source of inspiration for this post. I trust you will enjoy the read.
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Working. Listening to the radio. Grooving to Kenny Latimore’s song ‘Tomorrow’.
In the lyrics of the song, he mourns the loss of a wonderful relationship because he kept putting off making a commitment. The lyrics convey that he’d had the perfect relationship – his woman loved him and was willing to make whatever sacrifices for the good of the relationship. Yet, he took her for granted and assumed that while he was ‘doing himself’ she would wait for him. He never thought she might have “had other options”. He sings “I had a good thing…tomorrow, ain’t never gonna come around again. ”
The song got my attention. I YouTubed it, and replayed maybe a dozen times. It is a beautiful song – a sensuous R&B groove. Wonderfully arranged with lush strings, beautifully voiced chords played on the fender rhodes. Nice vibe throughout. Add Kenny’s evocative, mournful vocals and well, it became very personal.
I realized that I have been in both of these characters’ shoes, but most recently in the woman’s shoes. I have come to realize that in life and love, Kenny was right. Tomorrow doesn’t always come.
No matter how much you may love someone, you can’t love them into loving you. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, handsome, rich, smart, strong, funny, articulate, nice, resourceful, or spiritual you may be. It doesn’t matter how much you give, how much you sacrifice. If the other person isn’t interested or ready, there will be no tomorrow…at least not with them. The end.
So if there’s no love or we’re not happy with the love/lover or relationship, why do we wait? Why do we keep hoping that they’ll change their minds?
Ironically, sometimes it’s all about time. Sometimes it just isn’t the right time to be with that person. I’ve lived that side of the story as well. Maybe you can’t be their focus. There may be unfinished business to take care of. Unhealed wounds. Unhealthy patterns or behaviors that need mending.
Each of us has stuff to go through. To grow through. No one checks out of this life without some pain, and at one time or another, we all have to deal with that stuff. And taking someone along for the visit to your own personal hellhole is not pretty, healthy, or sexy, especially if you’re not committed to being together, or there is no understanding of a common future.
I’m not saying that miracles don’t happen, or that people don’t change their minds. There are always exceptions, but for the most part, the storyline doesn’t change.
In my humble opinion, its far better to be with oneself and in peace than in a relationship where you feel alone, lonely, neglected, and hurt.
And…sometimes life requires – demands even, that we journey solo. Make peace with that. We all come into the world by ourselves. Even twins are birthed one at a time.
The most precious thing any of us have is time. We have to stop throwing it away. The breath you are breathing right now is the only one guaranteed. The next one is not. Nor is the one after that. And on and on. And every breath that we breathe means that we are closer to our last breath anyway. So why do procrastinate when we know we need to move forward? When our time in this earth suit is finite? I asked that same question of myself.
Time isn’t like taxes. There is no possibility of a refund. We don’t ever get any time back. EVER.
Swallow that.
Reflecting back to the time I was living the lyrics of this song, I realized that I had deserved so much more than I had allowed myself to have. Once I took the focus off him and put it on me and my needs, I didn’t want him anymore. I still loved him, but I refused to allow myself to entertain notions that we had a future together. I knew I could no longer accept the scraps and crumbs from his table of plenty in hopes that one day he would love me enough to insist that I take my place at the table and eat with him. I didn’t care to wait for him to elevate me to the status of queen and eagerly provide me with my own set of keys to the castle.
I also realized I needed to work more on loving myself so I wouldn’t be so eager to deny myself just to be in a relationship with this person, or anyone like him.
Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a move, a bucket list item, or a dream, don’t defer. If you’re waiting, stop. And if you’re in a holding pattern of wait, stop. You’ve waited long enough. Get up. Get moving. Because like Kenny Latimore sang, “tomorrow, ain’t never gonna come around again.”
